Control Relinquished

Have you ever wanted something really badly? So badly that the thought of not having this wanted item made you grumpy and whiny? Unfortunately, this grumpy and whiny individual I'm referring to is myself and not one of my children this time! I love spring, but this time of year brings the new reality of mowing. My reality consists of 2 hours of push-mowing each week and I was grumpy about it and whining to my patient, hard-working husband.  So, imagine my delight when I realized our oldest child is now tall and strong enough to help with the push-mowing! Suddenly, this lawn-mowing responsibility felt slightly less overwhelming, knowing this may be a shared job this summer! Last weekend my husband's grandparents had an auction to sell all of their belongings, since they recently moved to a retirement home. As I sat watching the auction, I put myself in their shoes. Wondering what kind of emotions and thoughts were going through their...

Last night at 3 in the morning, we were awoken to that all-too-familiar-annoying chirp of a low battery in our smoke detector. Seriously, why can't these things hit low battery during the daytime?! The occasional chirp was not enough sound to detect which exact one was causing the issue. My dear husband went from room to room taking the batteries out, only to have one in another room chirp back at him! It suddenly became an overwhelming, confusing, and frustrating situation. Finally, he realized it was actually the carbon monoxide detector chirping and we experienced peace at last. But, then our minds couldn't rest as we dealt with the reality of this at our bedside: all of our smoke detectors disabled! Scenes from recent "This Is Us" episodes began running through my head and I was thankful that my husband was willing to put one back together to get us through the remaining night! In my last post, I shared a bit about our recent journey with our daughter...

I know it's been entirely too long since my last blog post! A quick look inside my brain would also attest to this fact that it's been too long since I've sorted my thoughts and they will likely come out a bit jumbled and confused in this post. Last week I was playing a game of Chutes and Ladders with my youngest. As many parents can probably agree with me, it is one of the most frustrating games ever invented! My 6 year old was close to tears when he kept landing on slide after slide. I was humored by his struggle, even though I was the one that had the luck of landing on that long ladder up, followed by that long slide down...3 times in one game! I realized, in the midst of this game, that, quite honestly, my life has felt much like a game of Chutes and Ladders the past 6 weeks. Life full of exciting highs and extreme lows. A game with a variety of emotions, with highs, lows, and mediocre middle. A game that feels like it will never end and feels void of fu...

This Christmas season our church is doing a sermon series that has challenged me deeply. Last Sunday, the morning was based on Zachariah, who faced real doubt in the midst of the angel's message announcing that Elizabeth was going to have a baby in her old age. Zachariah's doubt in God's plan led him to become mute, and likely deaf, until his son John was born and circumcised. Even with this sermon fresh on my mind, my week, unfortunately, was filled with much doubt, fear, and questioning God's plan. First, my youngest son was scheduled to leave for a week-long trip to visit family on Wednesday. On Monday he started running a fever and Tuesday he woke up looking like this: Second, I was scheduled to lead a snow globe craft at Wednesday's Kindle meeting. By Tuesday, my snow globes had not yet arrived and I was sent scrambling to buy mason jars and desperately roping in my husband to rig a contraption that would work! On Friday, my son and I came d...

There has been a phenomenon going on in our household recently! This superhero costume has magically turned my son into a willing and happy volunteer! He's been asking for chores to do and excitedly "rescuing" his clean wash and taking it to their homely drawers! This mama is wondering why I didn't have this idea sooner! Sometimes as a parent you can wonder if you're doing anything right and then, suddenly, God can give you glimpses of hope that affirm that your children will someday, somehow be wonderful, Godly adults that contribute greatly to society! The past few weeks, my mind has felt deep in processing mode. I've been learning a lot from a Leadership course my husband and I are taking at church. We have had an amazing Renewal Meeting speaker. Our church is on a  40 Day Prayer Challenge . And I've been reading this old and life-changing book: I was trying to journal and turn my brain mush into tangible points that I've learne...

I have been thinking a lot about friendship lately. The beautiness of it and the ugliness of it. Friendships take effort, they can be raw, and they can be a huge blessing. I have been studying the book of Job, using Proverbs 31 Ministries' First 5 app and I have been challenged anew. After Job goes from having everything to having nothing, the following chapters are filled with his deep anguish and laments. But then I never realized how many chapters are then filled with speeches from Job's friends. They each take turns reprimanding him and accusing him of committing sin. Job's situation is desperate and, yet, his friends don't offer him much comfort. I'm not sure what their intentions were or what motivated them to make claims against him. But, as their speeches progress, they become less sympathetic and more self-righteous. Instead of praying with Job, they argued. Instead of offering him compassion, they judged. Instead of grieving with him, they attacke...

*Re-sharing this post I wrote 3 years ago... This exact picture hung in the hallway of my parents' home when I was a child. I often found myself staring at it, thinking. One time, I remember my mom asking which of the sheep we see ourselves as. One of my sisters quickly responded that she was the lamb being held by Jesus.That was okay. I already knew which one I wanted to be. The black one. The different one. The one  following  Him. Yeah, profound thoughts for a young elementary student. But I was already realizing the cost of following the path less traveled. I already felt the call to  be  different.  Monday begins a new era in my role of motherhood. It is the first time my daughter will spend more of her waking hours with someone else, somewhere else. Hello, 1st grade. It has been a reflective week for me, wondering if I have done and taught her enough to be prepared for life in a public school. Do I have enough faith to obey what God...