Extending Grace...to Myself

I can remember being inspired several years ago, sitting at my church's Ladies' Group. The speaker was commenting how much money she has saved and the special memories she has made by choosing to make her kids' birthday cakes. Years ago, my grandma ran a successful cake decorating business and from my own childhood, I had special memories of my mother making all our birthday cakes. I decided this was a tradition I wanted to continue.

My first attempt for my daughter's 2nd birthday: I kept it simple and just made cupcakes and arranged them in the shape of Elmo's face.

In the years following, I've made many cakes ranging from Dora, trains, butterfly, Barbie, monkey, owl, football, cat, and Elmo.

Over the years, it's been a real thrill to watch my kids enjoy their cakes. Sometimes, their requests have been challenging and I confess that lots of sweat, time, and tears have gone into them.

The most recent birthday in the family took place yesterday. My daughter wanted a puppy cake. Simple enough. I had some ideas and felt confident I could get this made, even in the midst of the busy Christmas season. But, if you've been following my recent blog entries, you'll recall that our family dealt with sickness and I even found myself in the hospital.

Last week, I was overwhelming myself looking at my calendar and wondering how I could possibly find the time and strength to make and decorate her cake. Mentally, I had set this standard and expectation that I had to fulfill. I felt that my daughter's birthday couldn't go on without a homemade cake. It's a tradition that cannot be broken!

I finally worked up the courage to ask my daughter if she'd mind a store-bought birthday cake this year. She gracefully and wholeheartedly agreed.

Next, I found myself pacing in a local bakery. Can I actually go through with my plan and order a cake? I could make a quick dash to the baking aisle and buy the ingredients... 

I kept thinking that if I don't make her cake, every time I look at the pictures, I will be reminded that this was the year that I failed. The year I couldn't deliver. The year I couldn't get my act together. The year that I didn't measure up. I felt guilt that I was taking the easy route. 

I finally came to the conclusion that whether that cake was made by me or bought by me, my daughter was going to feel special on her birthday. There were circumstances that took place that I couldn't control and I needed to extend grace...to myself.

Her party turned out fabulous. She loved her cake and there were no complaints over the fact that it was bought. When I look at this picture, I don't feel like a failure. I don't feel guilt. Instead, I hope to remember that this was the year I experienced freedom. I learned to let go of my expectations and my pride. And I sat back and enjoyed it all, with no ounce of stress or tears!

Although, you may not identify with this particular scenario, I think you can agree that we all set high standards and expectations for ourselves. And then when we can't meet or exceed them, we beat ourselves up. We create un-needed pressure and let it weigh on our shoulders until we finally collapse in exhaustion.

What area of your life are you struggling to extend grace to yourself? 

Are you unforgiving of your messy and cluttered house?

Are you impatient with your parenting and weary of feeling like a failure?

Are your career plans not matching up with your expected dreams?

Are you ashamed of the person you see in the mirror?

I love the verse in 2 Corinthians 12:9 where Jesus says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, let us boast all the more gladly about our weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on us." 

We are weak. We are foolish for burdening ourselves with unmet expectations, shame, guilt, and pressures to perform. Let us pursue freedom, instead. May God's daily grace help us to extend grace to ourselves.