Health Scare

Perhaps some of you were wondering why I vanished from blogging. Quite honestly, the past several months have been survival mode for me. I'm still not sure which is worse: an obvious physical ailment or waiting in unknowns with no clear answers. Back in September, I began experiencing some odd and concerning symptoms but pressed on with life, hoping things would resolve on their own. Over the following weeks and months, each morning I never knew if it would be a "normal" day with little pain or a "rest" day with inflammation and swelling. I bounced from doctor to doctor and from test to test. Life suddenly looked different through a lens of doctor appointments, referrals to hematology/oncology, and hearing scary words like lymphoma and sarcoidosis. There were moments when I was confident that God was by my side in the waiting and the pain and there were others where only tears could express how exhausted and scared I really was. 

Last week I had yet another doctor look me in the eye and tell me he can't explain my symptoms, but assured me there are no malignancies or abnormalities present. What a relief, but oh, so frustrating when I still felt locked in square one! I came out of that appointment more determined than ever to find answers but felt completely overwhelmed on where to even start.

That is when a still, small voice reminded me that I cannot do this on my own strength or ideas. I needed His Divine direction and wisdom! When I humbly acknowledged I had no idea where to turn next, God faithfully and miraculously gave me an "Aha" moment regarding my diet. I quickly realized an obvious trigger to my flare-ups seemed to be dairy and, since my son is already lactose intolerant, I quickly adapted to his diet and have seen immense improvement. As with any diet restriction or new diagnosis, it can feel like an uphill battle, but I am so grateful to finally be feeling myself again in a matter of days! Wow, thank you, God!

As I reflect on my journey throughout the past few months, a devotional entitled "You Are Seen and Known" from Holly Gerth (Girlfriends in God) was one that stuck with me. In it, she writes, "I forget, so easily, that God wants to bring everything into the light. When He does, it’s somehow transformed. The anxiety turns into faith. The fear becomes courage. The worry becomes trust. We don’t ever need to be concerned about what He might find. First, because He already knows it’s there. And also because there’s nothing His love can’t redeem."

What in your life is causing you anxiety or fear? Will you let God transform that circumstance? Will you let His light expose the dark shadows hiding in the depths of your heart? The peace that comes when we begin trusting His plan, no matter how confusing or scary it may feel at the time, is truly comforting! Remembering God's faithfulness in the past is also a faith-builder. Staring into the face of today's giants won't feel so overwhelming when we reflect on past victories and how God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. 

Is there a circumstance that you are grappling to control? Have you even asked God for guidance? It's often when our lives are spinning completely out of control that we come to the realization that we really had no control over our lives in the first place. 

Above all, rest in His undying, loving, pursuit of you. His plans are to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future! (Jeremiah 29:11) He is your Redeemer, your Strength, your Healer, and Your Deliverer. Yes, this side of Heaven is broken and we face many trials and tribulations. But someday, God will restore what is broken, heal our hurts and purge the evil. We will be made whole and can live in His glory forever and ever!