Control Relinquished

I know Christmas is over and perhaps many of you have moved on to thinking about the New Year and other things. But today's post are thoughts I continued to reflect on and decided to share anyway. This is a photo I dug from the archives! Ten years ago, I served a mission term in India and spent 5 life-changing months there. The church we were involved with organized a Christmas play and I was asked to play the role of Mary. It was a stretching experience, but I felt so honored. The scene pictured is the portrayal of Gabriel appearing to Mary and telling her she was going to give birth to the Messiah. Hopefully throughout this past month, God has revealed something new and exciting to you from the familiar Christmas story. This year, I really found myself identifying with Mary in a new way. These qualities caught my attention: Her obedience to God's call even though it didn't match up with anything she ever imagined.  Her willingness to accept God's

I can remember being inspired several years ago, sitting at my church's Ladies' Group. The speaker was commenting how much money she has saved and the special memories she has made by choosing to make her kids' birthday cakes. Years ago, my grandma ran a successful cake decorating business and from my own childhood, I had special memories of my mother making all our birthday cakes. I decided this was a tradition I wanted to continue. My first attempt for my daughter's 2nd birthday: I kept it simple and just made cupcakes and arranged them in the shape of Elmo's face. In the years following, I've made many cakes ranging from Dora, trains, butterfly, Barbie, monkey, owl, football, cat, and Elmo. Over the years, it's been a real thrill to watch my kids enjoy their cakes. Sometimes, their requests have been challenging and I confess that lots of sweat, time, and tears have gone into them. The most recent birthday in the family took

Yesterday, I had the honor and privilege to lead a Christmas orchestra at our church. It's been several years since this tradition last took place and I've been excited for the past year as I dreamed and made plans for this to happen again. The many hours spent finding musicians, copying and organizing music, and leading practices was well worth it to see and hear the end result! I was blown off my feet with how flawless and beautiful our two performances sounded. I was beaming from ear to ear when the final notes were played. I was so proud of their dedication, hard work, and ability to master some pretty difficult songs. And it wasn't just the music that was beautiful. The orchestra was made up of many parts...24 to be exact. The ages of the participants ranged from elementary school all the way to middle-aged. Each one was gifted with different abilities. Some played a woodwind instrument, others brass or strings. The piano and percussion helped t

" Your needs and my riches are a perfect fit...I never meant for you to be self-sufficient...I crafted your longings and feelings of incompleteness to point you to Me...come to Me in your neediness, with your defenses down." These words from my devotional jumped off the page at me earlier this week. I was a big, needy mess. My family was a big, needy mess. Kids were sick with colds, coughs, vomiting, earaches, and pink eye. I had a gnawing, persistent pain in my chest that doctors were having trouble diagnosing. I was worried. I was discouraged. I was overwhelmed.  I had emotional needs. I desperately clung to the promise that God will meet all my needs. (Philippians 4:19) I rested in the promise that even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I do not need to fear, for God is with me and comforts me. (Psalm 23:4) I found strength in the promise that God would uphold me and give me the strength I needed. (Isaiah 41:10) My world fel

Several weeks ago, a walk to my kids' fort in our woods, resulted in me finding a tick embedded in my stomach. Since my best prediction of how long the nasty critter was attached, was only 6 hours, I was confident that I would not contract the infamous Lyme Disease. Unfortunately, a week later I found myself battling terrible flu-like symptoms. Isn't it crazy how often we take our health for granted? I have been sick many times in my 29 years of life, but I do believe the agony I felt that day and the days that followed, trumped all other illnesses I have experienced. Although Lyme disease still hasn't officially been confirmed, I am being treated for it as a precaution. I am baffled at how a tiny critter found a way through my layers of clothing (I was bundled up that day!), attached itself without me ever feeling or knowing, and quite possibly passed a disease onto me that, left untreated, could affect a persons' entire central nervous system! On my sickest day

Whether you'd like to admit it or not, the holiday season is upon us! I used to be 'one of those' people that refused to think about Christmas until after Thanksgiving. And, although, I still appreciate setting time aside to celebrate each holiday, I realize, more than ever, how each coincides with the other. If you strip down the commercialized versions that so many people celebrate this day in age, it really can be summarized in two simple words: THANKS and GIVING. We thank God for the blessings He bestows upon us. And we give because God's only Son was given to us, so we may have eternal life if we believe in Him. As I began to make my gift lists this year, I have found myself in a mental wrestling match. If I'm honest with myself, I love giving.  There is no greater joy than to see those I love open a present and truly enjoy a gift I've given them. Even in Luke 11, Jesus talks about how even evil people will give good gifts to their children. So, this d

Typically, I find myself to be a morning person. I don't mind rising before the sun in order to enjoy the peaceful stillness. But, even my love of the morning hours could not draw me out of bed the last several weeks. I was secretly hoping the upcoming time change would alter that. But, even after catching up on sleep over the weekend, this morning was incredibly hard. I did not want to greet the cold, dark world by leaving the comfort of my warm, soft bed. I want to nestle down into my comforter and pretend I had no responsibilities! As I pried myself from bed and shook the sleepy cobwebs from my head, I felt the Holy Spirit remind me that what is true in the physical, is often true in the spiritual. Have I found myself in a comfortable rut in life? Have I stopped pursuing the cold, dark world in exchange for the comfort and warmth of my own personal life? It hurt to think about the truth of my answers. Of course He continued to speak through His Word as I opened my B

It's kind of mind-boggling how a day can turn sour in a matter of minutes. Monday mornings are typically hairy in our household. It's a chore to get the kids moving and to school on time. I often have to do extra enunciation of our simple morning routine. But, this past Monday was different. I got up early, started my day and week off right by spending some time with Jesus. The kids woke on time. They were pleasant. For the most part, they did their routine, with no extra begging and pleading from me. Hallelujah. It was a relaxed walk to the bus stop with my daughter; a welcome pace compared to our usual frantic walk, wondering if she'll make it on time. After sending her on her way, I walked back to the house with a spring in my step. It was going to be a good day! However, upon re-entering my house I find that it is quiet. Never a good sign with 2 boys on the loose. I find the bathroom door locked, as well as my 5 year old's bedroom. Definitely NOT a good sig

We are all human. We all make mistakes. We all have regrets. We all have those moments where we wish we could rewind time. Take back that comment. Handle that situation differently. Erase it all. More than likely, it's due to the fact that lately, I've been failing in the daily devotional area. It's so dark when my usual 6:00 wake-up time rolls around and frankly, I've just been too careless and lazy to get up on time. I think this is how Satan has crept into my life and told me lies that I've come to believe. Recently, I've really been beating my self up. When reflecting on my days, I find myself picking out all the things I did wrong and focusing on all my mess-ups. What used to be my strengths, they, instead, have been replaced with despised weaknesses. And then God met me.You know those moments when you're sitting in church and feel as if the pastor is speaking directly at you? There seems to be nobody else present except God, the message delivere

There was a day last week that was rainy. My kids and I pretty much spent the day indoors. Apparently, this lack of attention led to boredom for our puppy. At one point, I did go out and found myself in the midst of a murder scene. Our puppy had found our chickens. Fortunately, only one of the eleven fell prey to the naughty prowler. But, there I was, staring at a de-feathered, ugly carcass of a chicken. I disposed of the carcass quickly, but, I worried the fate of the remaining ten. Once a dog gets the taste of blood, there is always a thirst for more. Over the weekend, a chicken expert friend told us a cure. He said if we would tie the carcass to the dog's collar as it rots and decomposes, the dog will never again pursue such a hunt. GROSS! I am not one to cuddle with my dog in the first place, but just the thought of my dog with a decomposing necklace...I shudder at the thought! Well, wouldn't you know what I find yesterday! Or rather, what the dog found. Yes, the sti

Any readers out there remember why I started blogging and the reason behind my title choice? Back in February, I felt an urge to begin blogging as an outlet to de-clutter my mind and document a bit of what God teaches me in the day to day happenings of life. I was led to the name "Control Relinquished" since an area of my life that is hardest for me to surrender is the area of control. I felt that God was desiring my focus for 2014 to be in the area of giving up my control as a wife, mother, and woman of God. Seven months later and you would think (or hope) that I've become an expert at resisting this urge to control all aspects of life. But no, it's still a daily battle and one I fail often. In the last 2 weeks, my life has felt very random and 'out of control'. (Yes, a control freak's nightmare!) Life has been very busy with commitments, meetings, and typical responsibilities. In addition to my already busy days, I've had an emergency dentist ap

Have you ever lost an item of importance and you had to decide to take the plunge into something undesirable in hopes of finding it? I certainly have had my fair share of dumpster diving! The first experience I can recall, took place in elementary school on an all-school field trip. Only after I had finished and thrown out my bagged lunch, did I realize that my retainer was not in my mouth. I forget who I told, but I remember my extreme embarrassment as my entire class dug through the entire trash can to help me find my expensive mouthpiece. Thankfully, we found it and that experience prevented it from ever happening again! Last week, I traded in some dumpster diving for new & exciting-- toilet diving! I had my husband's office keys in my back pocket. Of course you can probably guess what happened when I went to use the bathroom! I'm still confused how they fell in at the exact moment the toilet was flushed, but a set of keys sinks like lead. So, I found myself needing

Have you ever had so many details floating through your head that you couldn't even think straight? Or a list so long, it was too overwhelming to look at? Or the muscles in your shoulders feel so tight from the weight of the world resting on them? That is how my week started out. I felt like I was constantly running against the clock and I couldn't get ahead. I'd be working on one task and then suddenly think of something more important and rush off to complete that. It was like Homemaker ADD. My rushing finally came to a breaking point. On my way home from giving piano lessons to a neighbor girl, I stopped to buy corn for dinner. Six ears into my husking, the threatening thunderstorm started to dump rain. I rushed to the front porch to finish. Due to the interruption, I finally finished at 5:45. We were supposed to leave in 6 to pick up our van from the garage so my husband could go to a meeting and I could run some errands. One look at his frazzled wife and mess of

Waiting is tough.  We live in a culture where everything is at our fingertips. Everything is instant. Any need or want can almost immediately be gratified. The feelings of entitlement and discontent run deep in the blood of many humans. 'I deserve that... and I deserve it now.' That is a dangerous realization and a trap that I am determined not to fall into. Have you ever felt like your future depended on something? Maybe a phone call from a doctor? Or a letter from a college? An interview with a company? An e-mail from a builder... Yeah, that last one was directed at me. Four years ago, my husband and I sold our home and moved into an apartment. Our goal was to purchase some land from my in-laws and build a home in approximately 5 years. We are 1 year away from that 5 year goal. It takes approximately 1 year to build a home, if you take into consideration all the 'ground work' that is done before actually 'breaking ground.' We are in the

This exact picture hung in the hallway of my parents' home when I was a child. I often found myself staring at it, thinking. One time, I remember my mom asking which of the sheep we see ourselves as. One of my sisters quickly responded that she was the lamb being held by Jesus.That was okay. I already knew which one I wanted to be. The black one. The different one. The one following Him. Yeah, profound thoughts for a young elementary student. But I was already realizing the cost of following the path less traveled. I already felt the call to be different.  Monday begins a new era in my role of motherhood. It is the first time my daughter will spend more of her waking hours with someone else, somewhere else. Hello, 1st grade. It has been a reflective week for me, wondering if I have done and taught her enough to be prepared for life in a public school. Do I have enough faith to obey what God has asked of our family in choosing public school and making it our m

"I would rather be shot at, multiple times, than stay at home with my kids for an entire day!" These were the words I overheard from another customer at a local produce stand. The man went on to brag how he has a long commute to work and never gets home before 8 pm on the weeknights. His wife is a "saint" because she works full time and then has to "deal with the kids" every night by herself. Seriously?! Would anyone really prefer to be shot at  over spending time with the child you had part in creating? I know how hard and draining parenting is some days, but if that is the mentality he's approaching it with, it won't be getting any better anytime soon. His words kept running through my head the rest of the day. They ticked me off. Then I felt pity for him. The poor soul would have to live with regrets someday. He'll find himself wishing their childhood back; wishing he was PRESENT more. I'm sure his children would've been cru

What comes to mind when you hear the words, burn pile ? Twigs, tree limbs, grass clippings, leaves, unwanted debris, ashes, smoke... There is a nearby neighborhood burn pile that builds up and collects all this unwanted "junk" and typically gets burned twice a year. Usually it is such a large pile that it burns and smolders for days. The last burn date was several months ago, but a few days ago I walked by the pile and noticed this: There is beauty emerging from the ashes. Sunflowers Tomatoes Even in the midst of being uprooted and burned, God brought fruit and beauty from the ashes. Do you ever feel like your life is full of unwanted debris? The sins and junk are crowding your heart and mind? You are carrying various pain and hurts that smolder; the smoke of those issues clouding and burning your vision, taking away any hope for the future? I want to encourage you that there IS hope! God restores from the ashes. What we think is unusable and i